I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
