There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
