You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
