I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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