I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
