He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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