end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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