Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
