Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
