I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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