i barfeds in our rink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
