What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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