i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
