I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
