What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
