Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
