idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
