Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
