After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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