So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
