Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
