I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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