Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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