turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
