i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
