Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
