This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
