I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
