Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
