there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
