my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
