I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
