the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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