I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
