So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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