come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
