I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
