if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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