I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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