cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
