Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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