Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
