wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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