i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
