In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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