Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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