great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
