you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
