Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
