Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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