I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
