why didn't you poke me back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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