I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
