Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
