Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
