That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
