Ketchup is God's man juice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we should paint friendship bongs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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