threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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