we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
