I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
