I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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