This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
