respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
