i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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