We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
