I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
