bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
