just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
