one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
