Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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