She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
