I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
