you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
