she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
