O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
