gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just cropdusted the office
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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