so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
