I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
