Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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