Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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