i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
