Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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