i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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