Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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