I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have fence marks all over my body
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
