Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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